I’ve been single for a long time now & when B was a baby I found the idea of dating pointless, I also just didn’t have the time to do it. Dating as a single parent is hard, people without kids just don’t get it. Regardless of how much they say they’ll understand last minute cancellations or them never being top of your agenda, they really just can’t compute it when it really comes down to the nitty gritty.
Even the men with kids seem to fail to remember how hard it is to be able to get out at the drop of a hat.
I’ve literally had everything from people accusing me of being a catfish to people telling me I should just up & leave B home alone to come & meet them. Just tonight as I’m writing this at 12:26 in the ‘night/morning’ on Sunday, I’ve realised dating just really isn’t for me.
I’m not prepared to be accused of having stolen images, I’m shocked that people think my images are worthy of being stolen but I’m just a normal mother who happens to have a fabulous cosmetic surgeon & rather clear skin.
Lets say its been around 3 years of single life since being pregnant, in that time I’ve had under 10 dates. None of which have ever come to anything, now thats a mixture of being down to me & down to them not actually wanting what I want for my life.
I’ve actually ended up becoming good friends with two of them, so much so they literally are just friends & its like we never went out on a date. I tend to find now that I speak to people & just befriend them rather than wanting to date them.
I think its partly down to me wondering what would have happened with one of my ex’s but that boat has sadly sailed & I have no chance of the closure I require. I’m by no means saying I deserve that closure but I feel its something I need to further on with my life. So I’m not constantly unhappy when I’m in relationships, wondering ‘what if’.
No one ever quite matches up to him, no one quite makes me feel how he did. Everyone just falls short, I think I’m remembering it all with rose tinted glasses but regardless of how much I try, I can’t get that closure.
I’ve always sucked at dating, before B I just couldn’t be single but I don’t think I was truly happy with anyone bar my ex mentioned above & for some time B’s dad. No one ever suited me & I never felt like I made that proper connection.
Dating was of course easier before B, I probably didn’t have a care in the world. I could wake up whenever I wanted at my previous job & just get up, walk downstairs, straight onto set & start editing either images or videos.
I guess even then I struggled with who was right for me & who was just wasting my time. I’ve pushed many people away before they can push me away.
Nowadays I’m quicker to push away, if its not working after talking for a week or so I have to move on, I just don’t have to time to put effort into people who aren’t right for me. I’m happy to talk to people as a friend but anything more & its a struggle. Since the last effort with my ex I haven’t dated, I’ve seen no point. Its clear I’m not currently cut out for relationships & by GOSH, I do not need the drama that comes with having a partner.
Its always going to be hard as since I’ve had B I’ve not had a partner, so while my ex happily for some time had a girlfriend he’s never had to contend with me being happy with someone. Why I care what he thinks I have no idea as it was okay for him to move on but in some peoples eyes its clearly completely different for me to move on from him.
Theres no tie there anymore, I genuinely would be quite happy if he met a decent woman who actually cared for him & over time maybe met my child & they had some kind of bond. What previously happened will never happen again, some people come into relationships with a mother or father & have no idea. They see a bond that they don’t understand & therefore don’t like.
Many an issue was caused with this & I refuse to let it happen again, we don’t get on enough as it is without someone else sticking their oar in & trying to stir up some kind of poop tornado.
Anyway I’m well & truly warbling but this is how confused my mind is over dating while being a single parent!
I know it can happen but I haven’t met that person yet & maybe I’m not ready for it, I crave that love but I can’t have anyone near my child.
Read about what I feel its like to be a single mummy here: http://littlebandme.co.uk/parenting/whats-it-like-being-a-single-mum/
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