I never thought I’d have children, let alone have a child & end up being a single parent. I’m always asked what’s it being a single mum? To a point I never thought about it till we started having nursery visits & nursery parents evening, it then dawned on me how much I hate it. I’ll leave that to another blog post though.
This is how I find being a single mum!
So… What’s it like being a single mum?
Up until recently I didn’t even think of myself as a single mum, I just thought of myself as ‘A MUM’, nothing more & certainly nothing less.
I guess, it started to really hit me about the difference when we had our first stay & play session at B’s nursery. I walked in & nearly all the ladies were stood with their partners. I felt immediately rubbish about the fact that I was on my own & that I didn’t have a partner there with me, supporting me & B.
I felt sad that B didn’t have the same as the other children, instead he had just me.
I really did kick myself about this & it gave me silly thoughts. Thoughts of putting myself into a position where I wouldn’t be happy but B would have a ‘family unit’. So thats the first feeling of true upset I’ve had for being a single mum.
Thankfully its the only time where I’ve actually been quite upset over it, I guess you just want your child to have the easiest, ‘normal’ life & not be picked on for ANYTHING. Especially something completely out of his control.
I know it probably wouldn’t happen but sometimes my worrying goes off on some odd tangents.
Not at any minute did any of these parents treat me any differently but it was something I worried about.
Prior to this nursery business, I never really felt down about being a single parent, I did however realise it had its major drawbacks.
There was no other parent to help me when B had his injections or when he had a meltdown sent direct from the devil himself.
There was no partner there to care for B so I could go & grab some shopping from Tesco’s or catch a meal with a friend. No one to back me up when B refused to get dressed.
Sometimes just a little back up is all I crave, a little nudge of positivity. I’m missing the little things that can make life so much easier.
Its had its positives though, I can parent B how I want without someone telling me its wrong or going against me. Actually thats a lie, thats what my mum does! Come to think of it a lot of Nanna’s do that haha!
I spoil B, I go without so he can have everything within my means. I count this as a positive, I know that may sound odd but I’m proud of what I’ve got for B.
I’ve been to single parent groups before & have never experienced what others have been through, I’ve never, to my knowledge, been treated any differently for being a single parent. In fact I’ve been treated with nothing but respect, my friends offer their help at any given time. I can’t thank them enough for that.
Sitting & thinking about it, B having a ‘single mum’ as a parent hasn’t hurt him in the slightest. He is treated & cared for like any other child. The only drawback is the help & affection for me. I am so pleased that it hasn’t affected him.
I can do without, all I want is the best for B.
So all in all to answer the question… What’s it like being a single mum?
I can honestly answer, its not all that bad. In fact as it hasn’t harmed B’s life, I am pretty happy with it.
A nice interesting read. From an outsider’s point of view, you do a great job of being a mum to B. He is very lucky to have you as his mum. ❤️ Xx
I have been a single mum twice and I honestly didn’t find it as hard as some people have found it. As you say, it’s nice to be able to do what you want with your parenting. Having said that, being in a relationship now, it is nice to have the support of a partner. Just keep doing what you’re doing as you are doing a brilliant job and should be proud x
I was raised by a single Mum and never knew what it was like to have a dad. This didn’t ever make me feel different or not normal as that was normal to me! Who decides what normal is anyway? Being a single mum is tough as you’re doing the job of both parents in one, and B will love you all the more for it when older. Xxx
I have such high respect for single parents – parenting is hard when you’re part of a time, but to do it all must be so tough at times!
I was a single Mum for four years and I too quite enjoyed it! Yes it was hard sometimes having to do things by myself when I was ill or exhausted, but I loved that it was just Lewis and I and we could do whatever we wanted, without worrying about anyone else! It is tough, and I really respect single parents, but I think it is often portrayed as something quite negative when actually being a single Mum can be amazing!
I really loved being a single mum, I found it far easier than having a man in my life. I often look back on my time as a single mum and wish I could go back! It can be quite lonely though but if you have a great support network it is totally awesome. It sounds to me like you are doing a totally fab job! x
You’re doing a great job, it’s a tough one, so you’re perfectly right to be proud of what you got for B. x
Such a brave and honest post. You really sound like a wonderful Mum! My Mum was pretty a much a single parent, my Dad was fairly absent growing up. I’ve always admired how she gave up her life to raise us well and so admire you for doing the same!
It’s a big challenge. How do you re-energize when you need a break? With two parents, you can trade downtime. Hopefully, you have some good support. Thanks for having the courage to share.
You’re really brave, it’s a big challenge but you’re doing great. It’s important that B is happy, not how many mums and dads a child has Xx
I love that prior to B starting nursery it didn’t even occur to you you were any other kind of mum except a mum. Being single just means you’re even more of a warrior
I was a single Mum for 3 years. I enjoyed being a Mum. I find it so hard now with my husband (we’ve been together 9 years) because he’s one extra person to clean up after. Haha. There are times when I miss the autonomy of raising a child alone and I can’t help but refer to the children as ‘mine’… It isn’t intentional but I think I’ve upset my hubby quite a few times.
This is a truly lovely post that will hit home with most (if not all) single parents. xxx
My mum was a single mum so I can understand what you mean. Being a single parent is very hard. I hope you have a good support system around. Sending you virtual hugs xx
Such a good blog post. As someone who was brought up for the most part by a single mum, sometimes I think the kids are better off, and he’ll know how hard you tried for him when he’s older too.
I think you’re amazing. I solo parent all week as my husband works away and its bloody hard. I hate being alone and having to make decisions by myself all week long. But I know he is coming home at the weekend. You are amazing because you do all of that and you don’t complain, you do such a great job because you provide love and stability for B and thats not easy, even in families with two parents. I don’t think he’s missing out on anything at all xx
You are an amazing mummy to be doing it all alone. I really mean that. I am married but there have been many times my husband couldn’t come along to meetings or things with preschool because he is working, so I can see how that would make you feel. But what I am trying to say is try not to let that get you down because even though I have my partner he still isn’t able to come to everything so don’t feel bad because its not your fault. If anything I take my hat off to you lovely. xxx
Such an honest and wonderfully written post. You sound like you are doing an amazing job for B and he seems like such a happy little boy so in your case it really doesn’t matter. Well done Mama xx
I know it’s not the same but I can definitely empathise, as – since my nearly seven-year-old was born – my hubby has left before we get up, and arrived home from work well after the girls go to bed. When they were very young he used to work Saturdays too, and be an exhausted wreck on Sundays! It’s been pretty tough to do all the day-to-day stuff all on my own, but at least I knew he was there if I REALLY needed him, so hats off to you – you’re doing an amazing job! x
I’m so glad for you that your experiences thus far have been mainly positive. I can’t imagine how hard it is to be on your own and not have someone to back you up or give you a break. It sounds like you’re doing a really awesome job x
I’m glad you’re finding it such a positive experience. Whichever way you parent – whether on your own or with a partner for support – it’s always going to be tough but one thing is for sure B won’t be missing out on any love!!
I am happy to read that you actually have had an overall positive experience being a single mum. I think it’s a bit different if the separation happens when the child is older, as that’s when they can feel the tension and the confusion.
I can imagine with how much love you are raising your boy, so that he doesn’t feel different and he has everything he needs and wants.
I can totally empathise with you, as I have those doubts myself from time to time. I think we all do, no matter what type of family we are a part of. Sometimes being a single parent though, is just so much better than being part of a bad relationship. I have friends who aren’t happy in their relationships and I don’t think that is good for the child either. Or even worse, relationships, where the child suffers due to the mother’s relationship….one good parent, is worth a million bad ones xxx
This is such an inspiring read. I have a couple of friends that are really unhappy in their relationships but scared to leave as they are frightened of being on their own and being judged. I’m sorry you felt rubbish after going to nursery meetings, but just know what a true inspiration you are. Your teaching B and others to value themselves and to not stay in a relationship if it’s not right.