At primary school I had a few instances of feeling left out & how awful it felt not to be included. Yet when I sit & think about it I actively did it to others at the time. I was only young but I don’t feel thats a excuse for my nasty behaviour.
Going out of your way to leave people out is never fair & can be exceptionally upsetting.
I remember one instance of feeling left out at one of the girls Birthday parties at primary school, there was a few of us who were segregated to another room & ignored then till the morning. It was so gutting but as there was others with me it wasn’t quite as bad as it could have been.
It weirdly still bothered me so much so that I remember everything that happened that evening, I recently spoke with one of the girls who was in the other room & she found it scary how much I could remember of that night.
The pain from feeling left out only gets worse with age. I remember two things from my first few days at Secondary school, the fact one group of girls laughed at me for my shoes. I never ever wore those shoes again & I’d never felt so unhappy & left out in my life, I don’t know how I held the tears in. I became friends with those girls & they never remembered doing it, but clearly I do, still to this day!
The other thing I remember is the feeling of complete loneliness of not knowing where the lunch room was & having to take my school bag back to my classroom as the lunchroom didn’t allow bags. I had no one with me, I didn’t know where to go & I honestly at one point thought about just forgetting about lunch because I was that upset, embarrassed & mortified. That feeling still clings to me today, I remember the smell of that lunch hall & I can tell you now… I never stepped foot in there ever again, bar to walk through when I was made to.
I’m actually sat here now, panicking that B will experience what I did. I never want him to feel so unconfident with himself that he even thinks about not eating because he’s lonely. I never want him to try & talk to people only for them to turn their backs & laugh at him. I don’t want that feeling to creep over his mind that he doesn’t want to go to school because he hasn’t got any friends.
I equally don’t want him ever making someone feel that way, making another human being feel worthless for ‘fun’.
I remember the ‘popular girls’ going out of their way to make you feel uneasy about daring to talk to them, all for nothing. Literally they must have got some kind of sad buzz out of it but it was so degrading to B mocked or laughed at for trying to join in their conversations or being nice to them. Whilst I understand not everyone will get on there really is no need to act the way some of these people did & to be completely honest still do.
Even to this day, I get mums coming to me & telling me they are no longer going to a ‘stay & play group’ or playgroup because other mothers actively don’t include them or they go out of their way to be nasty. This kind of behaviour doesn’t bother me, if someone doesn’t want to talk to me then thats fine, if they want to be pathetic & try & be nasty well… I just let them crack on. Not everyone has the same mindset as me though & I’ve seen how upset & confused some mums are from being ousted from classes for no reason.
I jokingly called myself & some of my mummy friends ‘ The Mummy Mafia ‘, its of course a joke & as a whole we are very friendly & inclusive of others. I would call these mums who have little cliques & don’t interact with others ‘Mummy Mafia’.
Feeling ousted by members of the Mummy Mafia can feel like a right royal kick in the chops. I have wondered many a time what they really get from being so negative & nasty towards others. Theres no need for it, I remember a visit to a local soft play.
I’d noticed a large group of women sitting in the corner, keeping to themselves. I’d ordered food & realised after some time that it hadn’t arrived, after speaking to the staff I’d been told my order had been changed, delivered & some of it cancelled.
Turns out the ‘Mummy Mafia’ in the corner had somehow got my order & kept it quite happily. When I was complaining all I could hear was them giggling, FULLY grown, middle-aged women laughing at the situation. My son was starving but apparently that was funny. It made me feel rubbish about myself for a bit, that these women would be so pathetic & nasty. They never even smiled or apologised.
Please think about how you come across to others, don’t exclude people from groups. It can be really upsetting & there really is no need!
Your child learn from you & they will potentially grow up thinking that excluding people from groups for fun is ‘OKAY’.
It really isn’t, not everyone will get on but you let them get on with their lives. You don’t approach them & laugh at them, if they talk be polite!
A little smile can go a long way.