You become a parent, You think you’ve seen it all, You think you know it all. Most of all you think you’re used to most things in life. You’ll soon realise though that theres a whole host of things that you’ll have no choice but to get used to!
You’ll have an audience when you pee, poop & shower
Whether you like it or not, your child will want to be with you 24/7 for the first few years of its life(at the very least). GUESS WHAT?! That even means while you go to the toilet & when you shower.
Did you ever imagine, in your wildest dreams, that you’d have an audience while you did your business on the toilet?
Well sadly children have no filter & have no idea what privacy means. It can be incredibly off putting at the start to toilet as your child stares at you but you soon get used to it, mainly as you have no choice!
EVEN NOW at age 2 my son will shout at me while I’m in the toilet & I have to open the door so he can see me as I tinkle, he finds it absolutely hilarious. I don’t love it, especially when he runs to open the front door as I’m doing a piddle!
Food being refused for very weird reasons
If you’re at a restaurant you may send food back if its too cold or undercooked right? That is a completely normal thing to do! However you’ll soon come to realise children don’t work like that & you’ll get food shoved back at you for the weirdest reasons.
Cut those fish fingers into bite sized pieces to help your child? HOW VERY DARE YOU!!! How dare you try & help your child by cutting their food up for them. That meal will be refused as a result, but its ok when you try giving them a whole fish finger tomorrow they will flip it because you’ve given them a whole one.
Crisp not whole? Don’t even bother trying to offer them it, It will only end in a tantrum.
Kinder Egg cracked? HOW dare you offer it to them, the cheek of you.
Quite literally you will be moaned at for something being perfect or imperfect, its complete chance if you get it right on the day.
Always on time? Forget about it once you have a child.
When B was super small the only thing that disrupted my schedule was if he pooped just before we left.
NOW its a whole different ball game, NO I won’t do my teeth, I’m not wearing that & thats then mixed in with hints of running away and mini meltdowns over him not wanting to leave the house.
Before B I was never late, heck even when he was under 2 I was never late. The 2’s have hit & I’m constantly running late for things.
His current favourite stalling tactic is to refuse to have his teeth done, the resulting cry for you daring to try & care for his teeth is like something out of a horror movie.
Have you ever been asked why theres wind? Or why that wind exists?
WELL get ready for it!
My son may only be coming up to 2 and a half but trust me, I’ve already had to deal with the weird conversations.
You may already be used to odd conversations but I wasn’t, it was a shock to me when he fluently started talking about completely random stuff, his favourite thing currently is to lie about whats he’s been up to on that day. It’s quite hilarious what he comes up with!!!!
Lack of sleep
There were periods at the start of my parenthood journey where I honestly thought I’d die from lack of sleep! I couldn’t nap because I’d wake up distraught that my son wasn’t with me.
I can’t remember how long this lasted but it lasted a while, long enough for me to think I’d end up back in hospital, sometimes almost wishing it to happen so I could get some rest!
HOWEVER, fear not, you soon get used to the weird sleeping patterns & your body adjusts.
2 years later, my son finally sleeps through haha!
I AM NOT USING THAT CRAYON! Why?! BECAUSE ITS TOO BLUNT
The packet of food you just opened?! You opened it incorrectly & now they are refusing to eat it!
I’ve literally had it all with my son!
If I dare open a kinder egg or fruit yo yo without his approval he flips.
He won’t go near anything bar HIS blanket & he’d know if you managed to swap it, which is impossible considering its a 70’s British Airways flight blanket!!!
You will soon learn where your child will be most fussy BUT sometimes they can be fussy with anything & everything.
I loved writing this post as I found it completely hilarious to think of the stuff I’ve come to get used to & the odd things my son actually does.
I hope you liked reading it & I hope it gives you a giggle & a bit of hope <3