Whether you’re single, in a relationship or married the loneliness of parenting can creep in & creep in FAST.
You may have all your family around you but inside you just feel complete & utter loneliness. You aren’t alone & after speaking to my close mummy friends its more common than you think.
The Loneliness Of Parenting
Loneliness at the best of times is hard. Feeling like you have no one to turn to, no one to confide in, it’s hard.
Add into the mix a new baby or even child of any age & that feeling can worsen.
You lose ‘friends’ when you have children & making new ones can feel so hard. Some parents are just so guarded or nasty that it can feel near impossible to befriend them. Small problems feel magnified, the lack of sleep makes you feel awful.
Then you have no one who understands how you feel, no one who you can truly share your struggles with.
Facebook groups may seem like a great place to meet other parents but finding the right one is hard, some are just full of business posts or adverts, others have no ads but are exceptionally cliquey, there are very few groups where you can meet parents that you can befriend. I would say even on the group that I run which is a large one, the posts that go up are for recommendations or informational. I haven’t seen a ‘meet up’ style post this year, I actually can’t remember one going up last year either.
It can start to feel like its impossible to find friends.
You’d think you could meet people no trouble at baby groups but you soon find out so many of them are cliquey, unless you fit in you are ignored by the ‘mothering massive’. Don’t write these groups off though, I found ONE AMMMAAAZING friend from a church group I went to, Donna is still my friend to this day. We are exceptionally close & without the group I visited we probably would never have met.
A top tip to dealing with these groups is go in with an open mind but don’t worry yourself if people are offish. Some people are shy & others are just utter A**holes. If you’re confident enough to strike up conversations then go for it! These can be gold mines for friends.
I do have to say though some of my loneliest moments as a parent have been when I’ve been ignored or looked down upon at some of these groups. Nothing was worse than having personal comments made about my weight by members of staff from a class B used to attend. I wish I was how I am now back then, I would have laid into her for being such a cowbag.
I’ve had times where I feel completely alone after B has had health issues or toilet issues. I’m fortunate enough to have people to turn to now but at times I’ve honestly felt so alone & lost its unreal.
It shocks me to this day how little there is around to really promote parents making friends, now to some people reading this it will sound pathetic & childish.. How can you not make friends. Well come & try it one day, walk into a room of grouped up mothers & try & make friends with them, its hard & really upsetting when you get nowhere. Add into the mix that you’re male, you probably have no chance. Oh unless they fancy you of course…. Token hot dad & all.
When your child is struggling its hard enough, especially if you are alone all day or a single parent. Having no friends around even on the computer makes that situation so much worse. Even a friendly hello on the computer can do the world of good, but sometimes even that is hard to come by.
I’ve sat & cried my eyes out after B has fallen asleep because I’ve felt so lonely & lost. Coming from a past where I’ve been hammered down with nasty comments & hatred meant I came from a place of struggling anyway.
Some parents are able to just brush off the loneliness or lack of friends. Others like me struggle.
It’s Not Just About A Lack Of Friends
I used to hear people say ‘I can feel alone in a room full of people’ & I just used to laugh it off, thinking what on EARTH are they talking about. I’ve learnt over the last 4 years what thats like. I’ve been at groups or even at my son’s first nursery stay and play & felt like no one wanted to talk to me, it’s beyond lonely but hard as I never want to show B that a situation makes me feel sad or uncomfortable.
I’m not entirely sure if people mean to be so closed off or nasty but sometimes its so hard to gauge, its a shame as I’ve had people come up to me at nursery & say how much they struggle talking to new people. I’m not the easiest person to talk to sometimes if I’ve got a moody on but I will always try & be as smiley as possible.
Sometimes friends can be great for somethings but if you go to them for advice on a different situation then they can either be really understanding but not be able to help or utterly careless. I’ve had ‘friends’ tell me to stop talking about B, to just leave him in the house to go out or ask me to leave him with people just so I can spend time with them. If your friends haven’t got children then it can be really hard for them to understand how your feeling however lovely they are. This is why ‘parent friends’ are on a completely different level.
Just Remember You Aren’t Alone
Its hard to believe but there are people out there who will listen to you & who will support you. Its just about finding them, this is another blog subject I am going to cover.
Be it online or in a baby group. You can find your support network anywhere. Don’t let the loneliness of parenting creep up too tightly on you.
You are always more than welcome to contact me via any forms of my social media or via email, I never want people feeling like I have previously.
The loneliness of parenting doesn’t have to set in, let’s make sure it never does.