When you plan a pregnancy you expect it to be perfect, you imagine the moment you tell your partner that you’re pregnant, you expect them to burst into tears or scream. Well thats what I expected anyway after watching countless movies & YouTube pregnancy reveal videos, only I got none of that. I got a eye roll & then he rolled over back off to sleep.

I didn’t even know I was pregnant at first, we’d planned it, we saw how happy our friends were & we wanted the same. We’d been trying a few weeks & I started to come on, right on time, I was gutted I thought there was no chance of me having a baby. Yet what came wasn’t really a period at all it was the implantation bleed.I only realised it wasn’t a period when nothing came of the bleeding, it just disappeared.
I should have realised it wasn’t something that should be rushed but we live & learn. I don’t know what prompted me to take a pregnancy test but I’m assuming it was the lack of period. I did it in secret, only two people knew. My then partner & his best friends girlfriend, I should have seen the lack of emotion on his behalf & the elation on my friends behalf, they say love is blind, its true.

I took the test one morning on my own, my then partner was in bed, I wasn’t nervous just excited, I had to know what the result was ASAP. Those 10 minutes of waiting were quite lonely really but it soon showed what I wanted to see, it was POSITIVE. I was so excited, I just couldn’t wait to tell my partner. I thought he’d jump for joy, instead what I got was a grouchy response & he turned his back on me & went back to sleep. My friend, she couldn’t breathe though she was so excited for me. If it wasn’t for her I’d have been so unhappy, even now we are very close & tell each other everything(Yes like you see in the movies)

When my ex finally awoke from the dead he still wasn’t overly enthralled, even when I jumped on him & called him Daddy. WOW that sounds really creepy HAHA!
I think I’ve blocked out a lot of my pregnancy so specifics are hazy, I don’t remember him being happy about the situation at all, that still saddens me to this day. I phoned the doctors straight away to get a appointment to confirm my pregnancy & get things in motion. My appointment was with the sweetest Doctor ever, he explained everything I needed to know, he checked that I was happy about being pregnant & sorted out my booking appointment. That was it, then off we went, prescription for Folic Acid in hand.

We agreed that I’d tell my mum & dad, I wanted to do it together but he seemed to purposely stay out late so he didn’t have to. I decided to tell mum & dad by just saying ‘You’re going to be grandparents’, I couldn’t think of anything spectacular! I knew how my mum would react but I wasn’t sure about my dad, I looked at him & he looked angry. I won’t lie I was frightened, I didn’t need to be though as he soon burst into tears because he was so happy. Their reaction was exactly what I was after & it did make me extremely happy.

My happiness was short lived, what followed was a barage of utter poop, I don’t want to go into specifics but I had a very unhappy time with my ex throughout my pregnancy & to top it off I started to bleed when I was about 5 weeks pregnant. Everyone tried to put my mind at ease but it just didn’t help. ‘Its just breakthrough bleeding’ ‘Its just spotting’ I heard those two things over & over again.
I tried to get an appointment at my Doctors but they were full, I instead went to my local drop in centre where I was left scared out of my whit for 2 hours thinking I was losing my baby. I was seen by what I can only describe as the most vile Doctor ever, he told me I couldn’t possibly be pregnant & that even if I was, I was probably having an miscarriage. OH wait I missed the worst bit, these were his exact words that will stick with me till the end of time ‘You aren’t even worth sticking my fingers inside, there would be nothing to feel’. To this day I wish I’d complained but I was in such an awful place I couldn’t bring myself to do anything but cry.

If the Doctor does see this, let me just show you this image:
Little B & Me
This is the child you claimed didn’t exist, sit & look at him & sort out your vile behaviour before it has bad consequences.

This spotting happened on & off for two weeks, each time it happened I assumed the worst. The last time it happened I couldn’t go on anymore & I got my mum to call for an emergency Doctors appointment, I was seen straight away even though it was nearly 7PM.
This Doctor was amazing, she calmed me down & actually checked me ‘down there’. She told me my cervix was high & closed & that she would refer me to the Early Pregnancy Unit the next day. She was as good as her word & the next morning I got a call & headed straight to the EPU. Weirdly I felt like I knew everything was ok, I was no longer upset or frightened. Those horrible feelings were replaced by happiness, this was even before I got to see my son on the ultrasound monitor bopping away.
He resembled a little Frog, my mind was put to rest & I was happy. I could carry on living my life & being happy old me. The nurses who did my scan were two of the nicest ladies I’ve ever met, they were perfect for the job, caring & helpful.
My mum came with me to the EPU & we were like two little kids as we headed back home, when are we ever not! I never did bleed again & there was no reason for the bleeds I did have.

My first proper scheduled Pregnancy appointment was my ‘Booking appointment’ this took place at my local hospital, which at that time resembled the type of hospital you see overrun by Zombies in a horror movie! My midwife was an older lady but she was quite nice, we discussed breastfeeding, my diet, tests I can have(You don’t have to agree to these), my job & 10 tonnes of other things that I just cannot remember. I agreed to every test going, I had no reason to say no to any of these tests.
My outfit of choice was concerning her, a top and a leather jacket. Apparently I should have been cold, Oh I did have trousers on by the way haha.
We booked my 12 week scan then & there & off I popped, maternity notes in hand(I think). This appointment took place when I was about 10 weeks so I didn’t have long to wait for my scan! EEK!

12 weeks came around very quickly & this was the first appointment my ex actually came to. I was desperate for a wee from the minute I got there & the wait was awful. My time eventually came though & as I laid on the bed I was quite nervous, these nerves were made worse by the fact I was given a trainee to do my scan. Cue lots of confusion, ten tonnes of measurements of baby & lots of heavy pressing on my stomach, I genuinely think she didn’t have a clue what she was up to. Infact, thinking back the lady training her had to go back over everything she did.
On this scan you will be offered a nuchal fold translucency test, this is the most accurate way of testing for Down’s syndrome. They use the measurements taken in the scan along with a blood test to work out what the chances are of you having a baby with Down’s syndrome. Apparently they can also see heart defects at this stage of pregnancy, I didn’t know about that till I read up today to remind myself what happens on this pregnancy scan.

I should add here that I didn’t have any morning sickness or side effects, well apart from the ability to gag at a milliseconds notice. The thought of brushing my teeth? GAG! The smell of a burning fire? GAG!
I had this easy didn’t I, in the grand scheme of things!

This is where I leave you,
You’ve journeyed through my first trimester with me,
Read about my second trimester of pregnancy
Read about my third trimester of pregnancy.

Love Me<3